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Just a few days after I bitched them out, the ST Forum throws me a bone. So here we are: My children are not my personal responsibility, Part X.


Ban teen parties that go on past midnight

ONE of the best things about living in Singapore is the knowledge that it is a very safe city. Low crime rates have led to us developing a casual take on certain matters. However, as the adage goes: 'Low crime does not mean no crime'. I sometimes wonder if Singaporeans are basking in a false sense of security, taking their personal and property safety for granted.

What is particularly alarming is the fact that nightspots like Zouk and Play in Tanjong Pagar are organising non-alcoholic parties for teenagers under the legal drinking age of 18. These establishments point to the fact that they are not breaking any laws because they do not serve alcohol at these parties.

However, as a father of a 16-year-old girl, I find it irresponsible for such establishments to encourage teenagers who are yet of a responsible and mature age to engage in a 'late-night' lifestyle. These parties may not serve alcohol, but they carry on well into the early morning. My daughter recently attended a party on March 15 that lasted until 4am.

Singapore's streets are relatively safe, compared to those in other countries. However, as a parent, I cannot help but worry when my teenage daughter is out roaming the streets after a party.

I understand the establishments want to cultivate new business and are not seen to be breaking the law as long as they ensure that no alcohol is served.

However, responsible businesses need to run on a moral obligation to society as well, especially when youth and children are concerned.

I am all for my daughter having a social life. But I want her to be safe, and one of the best ways to be sure of that is for her to come back at a reasonable hour. Parties like the one she went to should end no later than midnight.

Perhaps establishments like Zouk, and even government bodies such as the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports, should look into developing guidelines regulating the conduct of these parties with youth participation. Parents, businesses and the Government should work hand in hand to cultivate healthy and responsible lifestyle habits among youth.


The first thing you ought to notice is that the first paragraph is almost completely irrelevant to the rest of the letter. From reading the rest of the letter, this individual is obviously a concerned parent who wishes that his daughter will not stay out so late. Understandably, he is worried about her safety. I do not, however, see how such worries necessitate a haughtily moralistic admonishment of Singaporeans for being complacent on crime. He could have replaced it with something more relevant and a lot less nauseatingly moralistic. But then again being moralistic is a distinct hallmark of Singaporeans.

What is unfortunately also a distinct hallmark of Singaporeans (or, to be fairer, humanity in general, but this island seems to have a particular affection for this affliction) is a tendency to blame and question others with regards to matters of personal responsibility. Hence the yearly ritual of parental complaints about exams being too hard, or children not being able to enter NUS, that sort of thing. What we have got here is an identical concept - the abdication of personal responsibility, in this case personal responsibility for the safety, well-being and general upbringing of one's own offspring.

Our letter-writer here, as mentioned earlier, is concerned as his teenaged daughter has been coming home very late from parties. However, he appears to believe that the fault does not lie with him as a parent, but rather with the clubs that conduct such parties. He goes on to admonish the clubs for even daring to conceive such events of undoubtedly Bacchanalian decadence, and suggests that in order to get his daughter to come home at a more earthly hour, they should cut their events short. Somehow, of course, not one thing in the letter is any of his fault. Never mind that this is his daughter, his own flesh-and-blood, we are talking about here; and no matter that he as a father has the ultimate responsibility - along with his wife, if he has one - for his child.

I mean, isn't it the responsibility of parents to nurture and discipline children? Is not one aspect of this discipline the ability to set rules and get children to follow them? Obviously it's easier said than done, but look: if you can't get your daughter to listen to a word you say then you've got bigger problems than her being out all night at non-alcoholic parties. Our author apparently either has not thought of this, or does not agree. The clubs are responsible and they should be punished and regulated instead. He is effectively asking the state to do his parenting for him, and that is thoroughly ridiculous.

At least he was smart enough to hastily put in that last sentence about parents, the state and businesses working together, so that his abdication of parental responsibilities doesn't seem too obvious. But it's a mere fig leaf for his indefensible position. Bottom line: you want your daughter safe in bed at a time you desire, achieve it by acting like a responsible parent. Can't do that? You have bigger problems than a complaint letter can solve.

I was recently undeservingly flattered with regards to this barely updated spot - someone had forgotten and subsequently rediscovered how fun it was to read here! Entries that dated back to some time last year were then referred to. Yes. Not a very good sign, that, it isn't.

I suppose there are a few reasons:

1) Life is relatively good now. I updated the most at points when I'm under the most severe stress - check 2004 and the later parts of 2006 for prime examples. Those were the days of incredible hundreds-to-thousands words rants because things appeared to be going to pieces. I was taught that the cathartic effect of writing can be pretty incredible.

2) Related to the above point, I do not wish to bore people with narration of all the myriad annoying and mildly interesting things that ever happen in my life. Rest assured there are plenty of the former and a considerably less but still statistically significant amount of the latter, but the minutiae of life makes for neither enjoyable writing nor enjoyable reading. Also I am not a teenage girl and so I do not have these EMO or RANDOM thoughts where I talk about self-abuse and string polysyllabic words together in no particular order. Not that I believe anyone I know would enjoy reading anything like that.

3) The ST Forum has become exceedingly tedious for the past few months. People are bitching about low road tax rates for weekend cars. Right. This is no doubt an issue intimately close to the hearts of many a dedicated Singaporean motorist, but seriously it's boring. I'm pretty sure there are stupid opinions to call out on the issue, just as there are on every single issue, but I don't feel enough about the issue to even bother. No more fire-and-brimstone letters about sodomites despoiling our perfect heterosexual Eden, none that deplore the collapsing values of our heavily Westernised and thus Satanised society, a distinct lack of demands for higher education places for sub-standard but allegedly hardworking children - what can I do about that? Maybe the forum just stopped accepting those because they too realised it's fucking stupid. But this is the Straits Times we speak of here, so I don't think so. Either way I have run into a lack of material of late.

4) I forgot how fun it can be to update here. Maybe I wrote too many essays and that put me off writing. But that remark above has hauled me back a little.

But anyway, here's hoping the ST Forum sends some good stuff my way soon. Otherwise I might have to begin putting down my piss-poor attempts at fiction here, and that would be to the detriment of all.