Basket.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a person I have always counted among my closest friends, and I found out how little I actually knew about him. How I effectively ever saw only one side of his personality, and went along with my own life thinking all was well and good and that was the way he is. I never discovered, or never tried to discover, the hidden side, to fully understand or appreciate this individual.

It's a sickening feeling, really. I was completely oblivious. Or maybe I just didn't want to know, to delude myself that people are always one-dimensional. It's easier if they are, but I'm a fool for wanting to believe that.

This has also set me thinking. About relationships and everything. How many of the people around us do we really have very strong bonds with? How many of our relationships are superficial, all smoke and no fire? How many of our so-called "extensive" social networks are built on slippery slopes with shallow foundations? Bluntly put, how many of our friends actually understand and appreciate us? Or do they just see one side, which is the side they like, and interact with just that one side, turning a blind eye to all else?

No one in the real world is flat. Everyone is dynamic. Everyone has multiple sides to their personalities, which appear at different times. Which we choose to show at different times. What, then, is a friend? Is it someone who likes only one face which you show to the world and will take off with the greatest speed once he sees that you are not wearing that face today? Or is it someone who genuinely tries to understand the multiple facets of your personality and accepts that you can't always be a happy, joyous, contented person full of good humour (for instance)?

Do we really put on a different mask for the different sorts of people we meet? I mean, most people have friends with many and various personalities and characters. You can't treat everyone the same. Yet is it in some way unethical to put on what is effectively a performance, to act, in front of people just to gain their trust and acceptance?

I really wonder how much we all know about the people we claim to be acquainted with, and even with the people we label as close friends. Do we know and accept them for who they are? Are we willing to tolerate their idiosyncracies and shortcomings? Are we going to be there to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on when, as everyone does at some time or another, need one? Will we be ready to sacrifice for those we think are closest to us? Or will self-interest conquer all?

I don't think anyone can ever answer all the above questions. I think I have asked enough anyway. I should really give my own take on the subject instead.

For myself, I've always held it as a matter of pride that I have a relatively wide and extensive social network. That I know people from all over the place. Now that belief has been shaken to the core. Sure, I know quite a number of people; yet how much do I know about the vast majority of them? Not a lot. Will I be ready to help them at cost to myself? Will I even know when they need help? I really have no idea as to these questions.

Yet I must ask them of myself, and ask myself even more painful ones. Have I actually been neglecting those closest to me, tose who really care about me, those who offer the bitter medicine or advice, which causes me to turn away? Have I been too complacent, secure in the knowledge (true or false) that I have been a good friend to many? Perhaps I am not as "good" a person as I've always believed myself to be. I have chosen to blind myself with sweet self-assurances rather than face the hard and cruel facts.

I didn't know. Maybe I didn't want to know. To assume something is really making an ass of (a general) you and me. Perhaps I was even lying to myself that there wasn't anything I could do anyway. The fact is, I missed out completely on another side of a person I've always thought myself close to, and that is unpardonable. How many times was he really hiding his troubles behind his smiles and I so near was completely oblivious?

The guilt is terrible and the questions tortuous.