Basket.

"Rafflesians salute your alma mater"... because when you try to return, you will be treated like international criminals by obnoxiously self-important security guards.

My brother hadn't ever been to the new campus, so we decided to take a little trip down today. I thought nothing could go wrong; after all, I had been back just earlier this month. Instead, an overzealous fat Malay security guard with a vastly over-inflated sense of his own role on the vast stage of human existence took it upon himself to save our alma mater from us, who obviously greatly resemble terrorists about to commit an act of mass murder upon one of Singapore's premier educational institutions.

Oh, and he and his colleagues managed to show how incredibly incompetent they were in the process, too.

What happened? Well, we entered through one of the back gates, and along the way this very Malay guard rode past us on a bicycle. He didn't say anything, or attempt to stop us (this will be important later). We proceeded to take a little tour of the school, and when we reached the office, the guard sitting there (there has been one for months and he's never said anything to me or the people I've gone back with over those months) called to us and said we had to change pass to enter. We weren't about to go through this senseless little ritual, so we turned to leave. He said nothing more to us and went back to his desk. We exited by a front gate and as we passed the main entrance to RI/RJ, the Malay guard called us over, rather rudely too, and spoke excitedly into his walkie-talkie: "I've got them!"

We wonder what is the fuss, and he claims after the guard told us must change pass, we were "loitering" at the back of the school. A patent untruth, because all we did after that was leave by the front. He claimed he saw us doing this. Either that was when we passed him, or he observed us after we were turned away at the office. But on neither of these occasions were we stopped. If it is as important a rule as he made it out to be (and he did), why were we not stopped earlier, or held by the guard at the office? When he passed us earlier he could already see that we had no passes. Why did he not stop us then? Why did the guard at the office also not hold us or question us, if we were found to be suspicious characters?

The only explanation: gross incompetence on the part of the security staff. If security was that important, and he certainly made it out to be, a massive breach had already occurred, because two suspicious characters had been allowed to walk around the school for more than a quarter of an hour. What is more, they belatedly tried to cover their own asses by calling us back in when we were technically already outside the school and what we were doing was no longer any of their business. We only cooperated because we didn't want trouble.

I will also mention that this guard was extremely rude to us and seemed to think he was a hero, Sherlock Holmes and the saviour of the world all at once. When in fact he was the most junior security guard there could be. His more senior colleague seemed like he couldn't give less of a fuck about the situation, and all he said was "Keep up with the regulations, ok?" in a very nice and genial tone.

So, be warned. This is how you might get treated when all you want to do is pay a visit to an institution where you spent a good six (or 2) years and sweated buckets for.