Basket.

***Below is extremely gender-specific and nerdy post about gaming. Avoid if you are female and/or are not much into computer games other than The Sims and its 128468752845 expansions***

Don't say I didn't warn you.

So over the weekend I decided to throw a bit of money to the capitalistic oligarchs that are the major gaming companies (though the way EA is going, the gaming industry is soon going to be a monopoly), and purchased the Command & Conquer: The First Decade DVD. All the Command & Conquer games from the eponymous original up to Generals, the latest product, which came after Westwood itself ceased to exist.

I've always supported the series, though not exactly been a rabid fan. In any case, there are few (and I do mean really, really few) Singaporean males of my generation who never spent whole 1990s afternoons hunched over colourful, pixelated men and tanks thinking furiously of all the ways they could wipe out an enemy base in Red Alert (8 MiGs, get the Cons Yard. Cruisers. The good old tankrush. The cheaper but rather less effective rifle infantry rush. "A-bomb launch detected".). Who have no idea what is the infamous "Allied Mission 13". Who know Red Alert's V2 rocket launchers a lot better than the Nazis' ones in real history. Yes, back in 1997, Red Alert was THE game to have. Before Starcraft, before Age of Empires, before FUCKING DOTA, everyone who played computer games, played Red Alert.

Sadly, rather fewer followed its successors. Tiberian Sun and its expansion were not all that popular, and I did not myself get them. But Westwood (by this time bought up by EA, which is the Microsoft equivalent in the gaming industry) reignited the franchise in 2001 by releasing the creatively-titled Red Alert 2 - which took sheer camp to new heights by introducing often hilarious mind-control abilities and putting together mission videos straight out of a B-movie set. As if that were not enough, 2002's expansion, Yuri's Revenge, introduced a whole new side and yet more utterly ridiculous units (as if mindcontrolled Giant Squid were not enough), videos and missions (oh no, the Time Machine overcharged and took us back to the Cretaceous. T-rex incoming!). It's not a game to be taken seriously - the Red Alert franchise never was one (remember the giant ants of Red Alert: Counterstrike?). And that's where the fun lies.

Firing up Red Alert just now, I found everything the way it was; the poorly animated infantrymen, the terrible pathfinding and the sometimes-irritating voiceover (One more "Silos needed" and I'll...). I finished the game with a classic Soviet tankrush, on that good old map, A Path Beyond. Brought me right back to the days when I would rather spend an afternoon on a Skirmish map than on the PSLE.

After that, I tried C&C Generals - and found that they changed a little too much. Sure, the graphics are fantastic, but most of the camp factor is gone. In recognition of present geopolitical realities, the USSR is no longer a side in the game (replaced by China) and a league of Islamic fundamentalists known as the Global Liberation Army is inside. Overall, the feel is a lot more realistic, but somehow I didn't like it as much as when Einstein put on his hilarious accent and travelled back in time to make sure Hitler didn't exist and start World War II. Or when Soviet dreadnought missiles tore into the Statue of Liberty. Or the spasm-inducing way Yuri said "Most unfortunate". The dialogue, though, is still funny - glad that the Chinese soldiers have Chinese accents just like the Soviet troops had Russian accents, and they still spout the most rib-tickling patriotic nonsense.

All in all, I'm glad for the purchase, even though it came with one game I had no interest in (Renegade - they really, really should stick to RTS) and one I already have installed and working perfectly (RA2). Seeing an Einstein that does not look like Einstein shaking hands with a Hitler that does not look like Hitler and that way making sure he never existed brought back some memories. I guess I'll go look for rules.ini and see what crazy shit I can pull all over again.

Surrender is not an option, comrades.